We all generally start life with the same image in our heads. That we will grow up, get married, and have children. Most of us envision owning a home, having steady professional jobs, and a whole bunch of other stuff that doesn’t always turn out. And if we ever mention as children or teenagers that we don’t want kids or any of this, we get told with a chuckle “Oh don’t worry, you will”.
And for the most part, these wise elders are correct. The vast majority of us all grow up to want marriage and in particular children. For those that can’t for whatever reason it can be absolutely devastating. However, I am one of the few that still doesn’t have that urge. I didn’t want kids in my early 20’s and figured surely in a few more years I would. Closer I inched towards 30 – still nothing. I assured myself my mid to late 30’s would still be enough time, because of course I’d want them by then. I wasn’t a monster! There wasn’t anything inherently wrong with me. I’d have to want kids. Everyone wants kids.
Here I am at 33 and the year is cruising by. It’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to the past couple of years because I know the clock, and by that I mean the biological clock of course, is ticking. I start doing the math of it – if I meet a guy tomorrow and maybe we get married quicker than I wanted (say a year?) get pregnant shortly after, then the baby is born when I’m 35ish and we can have one more still…. Just in case I change my mind and panic that I’m too late. But as of right now, all I want is my sister to have 10 children so I have all the nieces and nephews I can handle (she’s two years older and currently also has none, so not looking good for 10 anymore).
Anyway, people always ask. How could you not want kids? Well….
I can’t afford them
I have not been very successful in my career if you could even call it that. Many people put off children to excel at their jobs. This was certainly not my reason. Actually, I’d hang up my blazer and be a stay at home mom in a second, if I wanted to be a mom of course. But no, I just haven’t made much money. I still have very little. There is no way I could afford a child without giving them a life far below what I would want to give them, or living on government assistance which I also don’t want to do. The only option for there suddenly being enough money to raise them is the hypothetical father. Which brings me to my next point…
I’m missing the other half of the baby batter
At anytime that I even considered having kids, I knew I didn’t want to do it alone. I am not knocking anyone that does whatsoever, it’s just not for me. If I ever have children, I insist upon being home to raise them for at least the early years. I have no parents or family nearby to help. Step one for me is finding the guy no matter what, and so far that hasn’t happened.
I don’t really like kids
(You’ll probably be questioning that sentence earlier about me not being a monster after this one.)
I didn’t grow up around a lot of kids, just cousins’ kids on holidays and whatnot. Kids are cute in their own way, just at a distance. I am a highly sensitive person. Their voices cause an actual physical anxious reaction in my body. They are often loud, rambunctious, high energy. I don’t enjoy the dumbed down small talk. They drive me crazy with the million questions they ask. Overhearing other parents interacting with their kids in the supermarket makes me swear them off forever. Everyone says you will feel different about your own kids, but what if you don’t? Too late.
I don’t want to be a slave to my kids’ lives
This is perhaps more the fault of modern times, but parents nowadays seem to do nothing but endlessly run around after their kids. It’s a million sports events and recitals and music lessons and friend’s houses all week long. I hear parents leaving work to juggle their kids’ activities on a near daily basis, and most of these people still even have their own parents to help out on top of it.
They are expensive
On top of me just flat out not being able to afford them at all, I just imagine the aggravation of how much they would cost. I like eating high quality, organic food. Imagine that suddenly doubled or more so, even worse if you end up with teenage boys. The cost and time of suddenly having to do laundry for an entire house. Four or more people taking daily showers. Dishwashers running multiple times a day to keep up.
Obviously these are all normal things for most people, but my struggles with anxiety make all of this seem unbearable. I would feel like I’m constantly shelling out endless cash for food and utilities. Beyond this, there are the obvious expenses for everything else they will need. I actually don’t even lump college expenses into this (I paid my own and don’t see why my kids couldn’t as well). Kids cost a fortune, and I can see this really overwhelming me and stressing me out unless I somehow ended it with a huge amount of money to raise my family which at this point doesn’t look likely.
Worrying
Again, I have struggles with OCD and anxiety that make all of these things worse, and I can’t imagine how worried I’d always be about my kids. I currently have cats (naturally), and I frequently need to stop the dryer and dishwasher after I start it to make sure one of them didn’t accidentally sneak in. I would end up being one of those overbearing worrywart parents that I never wanted to be. As they got older and were out on their own and driving and living their lives I’d be a constant mess worrying.
Something could go wrong
The idea of my child being born with some life altering abnormality is terrifying to me. I’m not sure how I could handle for example a severely autistic or disabled child. Then there is the chance that something happens later. Maybe my child would get cancer or some other disease and pass away. My child could be killed in an accident or kidnapped or murdered. Obviously no parent would handle any of this well, but with all my reservations already the idea of any of this happening alone makes me not want kids.
I don’t think the world is headed in a good direction
For one, I can’t picture raising kids and especially tweens and teens in this modern age. They live for the internet. There is no real way to monitor what they are doing. There is so much drama and cyber bullying, I actually don’t think most of us adults have the slightest idea of what goes on there. Especially daughters, where all they seem to care about anymore is being provocative on Instagram for likes. The internet and smartphones in particular have ruined childhood.
Without getting political, we seem to be headed for a world of more and more constraints, more regulation and less and less freedom. It is very up in the air where we are headed in my eyes. The planet is crowding, resources are depleting, and I’m not sure it’s something I can personally justify bringing a new life into.
Having kids doesn’t seem fun anymore
I tell people all the time, if I could have kids anytime before the 2000’s then I would. But touching on a similar vein as the last two topics, kids just don’t seem fun anymore. I always dreamed of saving my old Barbies that I was obsessed with to give to my daughters some day. Most kids don’t play with dolls or toys at all anymore. Everything is electronics. Kids are stuck on their phones and tablets. Easy solution is to not give them a phone, but then you are making your kid the outcast. You can’t let them play out in the streets until dark like we did; someone will call Child Protective Services on you. They can’t get into the innocent mischief we did. The world now is so uptight.
Think that’s a good start…
I could probably keep going. So as you can see, I have a lot of reasons I don’t want kids. And these are reasons for me. I’m not implying that they should be reasons for anyone else and certainly not implying people shouldn’t want kids. I am not one of those anti-over population, anti-natalism people whatsoever. I believe kids are completely magical for those that want them. And that remaining 5% in the title is because contrary to what it may appear above, I’m still not 100% sure. I may meet a guy that changes my mind on everything. Perhaps I will be so in love that I just can’t bear to not make a combo of us. And there is no denying that a overwhelming percentage of parents say it’s the most amazing, rewarding thing they’ve ever done. And unlike those of us without children, they can honestly say they’ve been on both sides of the fence.
I look forward to your thoughts! Remember, opinions are just that, my opinions. Some of you may relate and most probably won’t.